In a marriage, the tradition to vow a lifelong commitment by two individuals is universal. Family and friends of the couple wish for the best as they enter a new relationship. Unfortunately sometimes it cannot be a ‘happily-ever-after’ fairy tale. The demise of a partner leaves a person stranded for long. There is a sudden emptiness and everyday seems incomplete. It is not only love, but responsibilities, work, children, dreams, memories and many more are shared between them. To compensate for this loss in all the facets is draining- both emotionally and physically.
Mourning is essential for both body and mind. On losing the most loved person, one takes more time to mourn the death. Allow yourself to cry out your sorrow or talk about it to family and friends. Move with traditions of family for all the rites and memorial services to be performed. This gives satisfaction for sending off a loving soul who cared for you the most. Moving on is very important at this stage, especially if there are young children and parents-in law to take care of.
Apart from sadness, fear, anxiety, insecurity and guilt may trouble you too, which is very natural at such a time. Under stress to face the future alone, fear and anxiety surrounds. Get your family close enough and choose your friends wisely. Keep away from those for whom this loss is nothing. Death is not necessarily a reason to mourn for all. Their words will only be hurting and demotivating. Insecurity creeps in as you see the emptiness at home. Avoid making any major decision on selling, moving out, quitting work, etc. A stressed mind will not make favourable decisions. And you will not be able to handle another loss, if any at the same time.
There may be a few unfulfilled wishes of your partner. Try to see if there were any and fulfil them to honour the soul. Or do a few activities that your spouse may have been doing with a lot of interest. Guilty feelings that may hinder your life can be replaced with satisfaction as you still carry on with the memories.
As you recover, get your finances straight, more if you are the sole bread-winner. Work through your assets, inheritance, insurances and bank accounts. It is tough to think of money to heal any wound, but the real world problems need money more than anything.
Picking up the threads will never seem easy. But take the courage to gather yourself and support your family. Most importantly, do not measure your love for your departed spouse by the norms of the society. Carry on confidently, sooner or later, time will heal the heart.
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